The Reality

(Translated)

Actually I am not afraid of the reality at all, I am only scared that the fantasy immerses me deeply without letting me out.

Fantasies are fantastic, but the reality rules. I don't know started from when I decided to deal with pain in a sharp but short-term way instead of tedious torture, forcing myself to face the truth as soon as possible. I don't know if it is the right thing to do, but in this way I feel like I could balance the emotional and the rational me, and get back the innocence. Maybe deep in my heart, I believe this is the right choice.


Drown in this city with ecstasy but despair, finally I understand the favor of getting myself back, when facing the relationship, or facing the life. To some degree I'm kind of brainwashed by the lure of New York City, but no matter how much it hurts, I always pinch myself so that I could still stay awake. You know that, even I crave for the beauty of fantasy,  it could only happen in the dream.


I know you are the fantasy like this, so is he, and so is the world.

If there is no expectation, then there is no hurt. I gradually keep my emotion in a stable state. Even I know that there were things that proved my fantasy was coming true, but it cost too much, and I could not take it.


I don't really know what I am writing, or to whom I am writing, maybe it's just a transition period for reorganizing the mess I have had.

No matter what, I am trying to living in another way. So don't be afraid, though I cannot control if others are afraid or not, I'm just hoping to live more honestly.

Maybe it's pretentious to talk about life right now, but I think it's still a process of growth.


So I am sorry that things become like this, but meanwhile I feel so relieved.

And I think I love you. 

And I love this city as well. 

But maybe I love myself more than anything else.